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At this time of year, we are reminded of the love and kindness that support our families and our friends.
We have known many heroes in our lives, but I’m particularly grateful for the compassion and care that
is offered in abundance by the staff at the Friendship Center. They are the masters of “knowing how,”
for they have the capacity and the magic to engage those who have lost their words. Loving and losing
what once was, is very difficult, and it is a disheartening adjustment. Yet collaborating with
professionals can reshape our lives, sometimes our souls, and bring us the ability to cope.
My husband and I had a strong commitment, but it wasn’t an easy one. He was a man of few words and
love was not one of them. He never broke a rule or law of any kind. He always drove at a 55-mph speed
limit, had just four pairs of socks (all the same, used for every occasion), grayish- white with UCSB Phys
Ed stenciled in large letters, and smoked Marlboros hard packs. He only owned two Timex watches as
an adult and for several years he wore the first one even though it didn’t work. Despite this fact, he was
never late for anything, EVER. Outside of coaching Track and Field at UCSB, he was a modern-day Daniel
Boone and traded in his MG for an 800-mile canoe trip into the Yukon Territory. His nickname was “The
Rock” because he maintained complete emotional and physiological self-control in all situations.
For so long he kept his emotions in check, then he started feeling the effects of Alzheimer’s and the
disease took his memory and speech. For the first time, he cried. A lifetime of emotion finally broke
through. He couldn’t come up with the words, but it was there. Perhaps it was always there. His
softening later in life was immeasurably important to his wife and children. He had never needed help,
and he wasn’t keen on accepting it, but he responded to the compassion and affection he received at
the Friendship Center.
I’m certain I was not the cape holder a wife is supposed to be when her husband was out slaying
dragons. We both had our own paths. Yet, Alzheimer’s Disease has impacts that can create change, and
change for good if you have the right teachers. In his last year, Sam held hands with his wife, and in his
eyes was the look of a silent but obvious expression of love and appreciation.
Do you see why the staff at the Friendship Center are my heroes?
– Sue Adams
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