Courtesy photo.
SANTA BARBARA — Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love and a time to rededicate our affection for a spouse or partner with flowers, cards, chocolate, and a romantic dinner. But for those who are coping with the loss of a partner or loved one, Valentine’s Day can trigger overwhelming feelings of loneliness, grief, and isolation, with seasonal décor serving as a constant reminder of the loss.
Valentine’s Day can be particularly challenging for someone who is grieving the loss of a partner or spouse because the day is designed around devoting energy and time to that particular person.
During times like these, compassionate support can make a meaningful difference. Hospice of Santa Barbara offers free grief support services for individuals and families coping with loss, including one-on-one counseling, support groups, and specialized programs for all ages. These services provide a safe space to express emotions, share memories, and feel less alone—especially on emotionally charged days like Valentine’s Day.
Hospice of Santa Barbara suggests these tips to help cope when missing that special someone on Valentine’s Day:
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Appreciate friendships. This holiday is not exclusively for couples; it can be a time for you to share with others how special they are to you.
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Do something for others. Take the day off from work to volunteer somewhere close to your heart. Helping others can be a gift to yourself and lift your spirits in meaningful ways.
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Treat yourself to something you love or have wanted to do for a long time.
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Plant a flower or garden as a permanent and growing symbol in memory of your loved one.
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Share stories of the early years of your romance with your children; it can be entertaining and allow you to remember how many wonderful times you had together.
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Spend time with an animal, or if you do not have a pet, visit a friend who does and soak in the comfort of unconditional love.
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Lean on your support. We all need a shoulder to lean on from time to time, and those who love you want to help. Try not to isolate yourself or pretend things are okay if they really aren’t.
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Allow yourself to set limits. It is absolutely acceptable to turn down invitations when friends invite you to come out for Valentine’s Day.
Finding the right way to show we care and express our condolences can often be challenging. Here are some ways to offer comfort and express your sympathy on Valentine’s Day:
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Reach out. Call your friend to let them know you are thinking about them and share a funny or touching story about their partner.
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Spread the love. Send cookies, flowers, or another treat with a card that says, “I wanted to let you know I was thinking about you today.”
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Encourage expression of feelings. Allowing your friend to express emotions and share memories may be a huge help. Try to listen without offering advice or interruption.
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Don’t be afraid to ask. If you normally celebrate Valentine’s Day as a couple or in a group, still extend the invitation. Even if they decline, it shows they are remembered.
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Don’t be pushy. If your friend can’t bear to come out without their loved one, let them know you will miss them and respect their choice.
Caring for yourself, caring for others, and receiving compassionate support—whether from friends, family, or grief professionals like those at Hospice of Santa Barbara—can make a tremendous difference on Valentine’s Day and every day.
Hospice of SB was founded in 1974, making it the second-oldest hospice organization in the country. It employs about 50 staff and over 100 volunteers who serve 2,100 people with direct services and hundreds more with training classes, workshops, education, and outreach events. All services provided by the organization are free of charge.