By David Magallanes / Guest columnist
In 2000, Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt starred in the romantic comedy “What Women Want.” As the movie progresses toward its happy ending, Mel’s character, Nick Marshall, brings his Martian orbit closer to that of Venus and begins to understand how women think (which, by the way, is virtually unfathomable to most of us of the male species). At the beginning of the film, Nick is just as clueless as many of us men remain to this day, and goes about his life continually perpetuating the eternal disconnect between the respective universes of men and women.
As one might expect, by the end of the movie our male hero arrives at some semblance of understanding of the way women navigate through an undeniably male world. We conclude that he has discovered what women want, which is not the same as what men want.
Which begs the question … then what DO men want? The answer to that question usually contains the standard stereotype that is spoken with sentiments that are expressed with anything from snickers to caustic anger. Men often deny the charges, but who can blame women for harboring these thoughts, given their experiences with the likes of us?
And although men may refute what in many women’s minds is obvious, we have to ask ourselves: What DO we men want? Do we even know? Deep down inside, what is our heart’s desire?
I believe I have the answer, though I didn’t until I matured as the father of a daughter, who is now a young, successful and thriving adult.
In his song De Niña A Mujer, famed Spanish composer and singer Julio Iglesias captured the profound melancholy and sense of loss that I experienced when my little girl (who was actually an adult at the time) left my home to start her new life:
La quería ya tanto
que al partir de mi lado
ya sabía que la iba a perder
y es que el alma le estaba cambiando
de niña a mujer.
My translation:
I now loved her so much
That upon leaving me
I knew that I was going to lose her.
It’s that her soul was changing her
From a little girl into a woman.
I learned how the heart of a loving father aches when a daughter leaves. But leave she must (at the right time), if she is to mature into a functioning, loving adult in her own right.
In their book “Daughters & Dads — Building A Lasting Relationship,” Chap and Dee Clark remind men what in fact they want: “At some level, every man wants to connect with someone he loves…” (p. 165); also,
“The greatest benefit of a daughter raised with an eye on father attachment is that the bond developed during these crucial years will be strengthened over time. As she grows into a woman, her appreciation for her father will only increase. And as the years progress, she will be able to see how deeply he loved her, even when she didn’t seem to respond to him. She will be his number-one fan for the rest of their lives” (p. 165).
It’s a well known fact that generally, men want to be admired as they forge their path in the world. Nothing compares to the admiration of a daughter with whom a connection has been nurtured throughout her life. Even after the inevitable “fall of father” in her early years occurs and she sees him as a flawed human being, a daughter raised by a father who loves her will evolve into a woman who realizes that her father is the first man who loved her, and that no other man will ever love her as much.
Such a father’s reward is incomparable. He is a fortunate man indeed, loved unconditionally by a woman who grows to love him as deeply as he loved her. Sometimes lovers and wives come and go in a man’s life, with varying degrees of love between them that may or may not endure over the months, years and decades.
But a daughter’s love for her father is eternal. That love of divine dimensions reflects back and trickles forever down the generations.
Clark, Chap and Dee. Daughters & Dads. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress Publishing Group, 1998.
— David Magallanes is an entrepreneur, owner of Real World Projects, a business dedicated to providing professionals with high-quality products for better living. One of his current projects is the development of a branch of Real World Projects, Edifiquemos, dedicated to teaching the Spanish-speaking how to create a profitable international (U.S./Mexico) enterprise with low investment and high potential. He may be contacted at DMagallanes@RealWorldProjects.info.
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