By David Magallanes / Guest columnist
“Why me?” we must have said to ourselves at one point or another in our lives. Or maybe we always say that to ourselves.
Think of the person in the parking lot driving the truck who just broadsided the luxury car that just pulled out in front of him. “Why me?” you hear him lament in a particularly loud, angry voice — followed by expletives and insults directed at the hapless victim.
Never mind that the driver of the truck was speeding through the crowded parking lot at forty miles per hour, challenging everyone to dare stop his “progress” as he exited. Granted, the driver of the BMW could have been more cautious, but most of us aren’t expecting near-freeway speeds in the parking lot. The truck enthusiast was, in fact, just asking for it.
Much as the bicycle rider wearing dark clothing, at night, with no lights, heading in the wrong direction, fast, down a dimly-lit street. Why, he’s just asking for it.
We all know people who jump into relationships (or perhaps we’ve done it ourselves) without knowing the other person at all, or relatively little, and then who bemoan their misery as they try to extricate themselves from the living hell in which they’ve found ourselves. Were they, after all, just asking for it?
So … just what is this that we keep asking for?
We have to remember that we live in a very giving universe. Pretty much whatever we ask for will be granted unto us. The great teachers and philosophers have been trying to get us to understand this double-edged reality for centuries, since we can ask for fortune, or, as so many of us do, ask for misfortune, and Life is more than happy to oblige us. Either way. It’s up to us.
But why would we ask for misfortune? Our petitions are often unconscious. Many of us aren’t even aware of the enormous leverage our thoughts exert on our lives. If an irate mother, say, slaps her daughter for having made a serious error of judgment, and the daughter runs away and hides, would we not say that this mother was just asking for it? What of the father who continually berates his son as he’s growing up, and then wonders why the son as an adult refuses to see or spend time with him? What was this father asking for?
What are we asking for? Are we asking for good fortune, or misery? Everyday as we read the newspaper or listen to the news, we encounter stories about people that must be choosing misery. Why else would they be out on parole, stab someone, evade the police in a high-speed chase, hit several cars, run from the scene, fight with the police when they do catch up to him, and then kick out the windows of the patrol car? I mean, what does this person expect?
When hard times befall us, do we chalk it up to “bad luck”? Do we declare, “There’s nothing I can do about it”? and then ride out the pain, hoping that someone (or “the government”) will rescue us?
“Ask, and it shall be given to you. For everyone that asks, receives.” That’s in the Book of Matthew. Khalil Gibran taught, profoundly, “We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.” This momentous insight is actually embedded in our daily lives. Whether in a serious business meeting, or during happy hour after work with coworkers, or in a parent’s warning to a child, we often hear the popular wisdom, “Be careful what you ask for.”
Learning to ask for what makes our lives meaningful, or peaceful, or joyful, or whatever else we might seek takes practice. Popular culture and social norms just don’t support us in this endeavor. It really is up to us to learn, and then, more importantly, teach it to our children so that they, too, will know how to ask and work for what they want. And if we can send that message down the generations, then we will have done our job.
After all, what more could we ask for?
— David Magallanes is an entrepreneur, owner of Real World Projects, a business dedicated to providing professionals with high-quality products for better living. One of his current projects is the development of another business, Edifiquemos, dedicated to teaching the Spanish-speaking how to create a profitable international (U.S./Mexico) enterprise with low investment and high potential. He may be contacted at DMagallanes@realworldprojects.info
Editor’s note: Please click on links on the right-hand side of the website or click on the Opinion link at the top of the page to see previous guest columns by David Magallanes.