By Boyd Lemon / Guest contributor
When I moved to the 805 (Oxnard) in 2003 I began practicing meditation for 30 minutes each morning, as I had learned at the Self Realization Fellowship in Pacific Palisades. It is a practice I have continued ever since. Meditation helped to slow my mind and notice things in my environment I hadn’t noticed before. I became more aware of myself, my environment and other people, as well as feeling more relaxed. In slowing down, I became kinder to strangers and gave them notice without regard to their social or economic status. Before then I hadn’t paid attention to anyone outside of my own circle of friends, family and acquaintances. I began to chat briefly with parking lot attendants, restaurant hostesses, mail carriers and garbage men. If you engage them, many have a story to tell.
I also became more accepting of what happened in the world around me, less angry and judgmental when people acted with hostility or poor judgment. I began to realize that until you stand in someone else’s shoes it is unfair to judge them and foolish to make assumptions about what you would do under the same circumstances. When I changed my way of judging people, I became much calmer and happier. Other people did not distract me from living as much as they had before. If you don’t judge what other people do and realize you cannot control what they do or say, life is much more agreeable, and other people’s actions do not bother you as much. Your life is more harmonious.
The meditation I started with involved closing my eyes while sitting in a chair with a straight back and imagining that I was looking at a spot between my eyes just above the bridge of my nose. I sat there without moving. I repeated a mantra silently which could be something I wanted to do, or any thought. I recall focusing for a month on “Help me to choose the right place to retire.” The goal was to keep my mind focused on that mantra and not let it wander for a half hour. That was impossible for a novice, but the practice was that each time I became aware of my mind wandering I brought it back to the mantra.
As my meditation practice became more entrenched as a part of my daily life, I felt that I was noticing more of the world I lived in, was more a part of it and was living more fully. Like any other activity, you get better at it with practice. Try it, and don’t get discouraged when your mind wanders. It will. Just bring it back. Make it a practice that you do everyday. Otherwise, like exercise, it is one of those things that your mind tells you that you don’t have time to do.
There are numerous books and online articles about various methods of meditation. Read about them. Try out different methods. Then settle in with the one that works best for you. Or vary the methods from time to time. After I used the mantra method for a while, I switched to focusing on my breathing instead, noticing each breath in and out. That worked better for me. It seemed to calm my mind more than the other method. When I mediate by the ocean, sitting in the sand, I focus on the sounds of the waves breaking in and out, similar to human breathing. I had never noticed the similarity before. Like human breathing, it never stops (at least while we’re alive). The ocean has been breathing like that for millions of years and probably will continue for millions longer.
In meditating you can also focus on the feeling in some part of your body. I once went to a two-day meditation retreat at a Buddhist Center in Cambridge, Massachusetts. For an entire weekend, except for eating and sleeping, and an occasional break to do chores, we meditated continuously in the lotus position. By the middle of the second day my back and shoulders hurt so much that I felt I couldn’t go on. At the suggestion of the monk who was leading the retreat, as I meditated, I focused on that pain. It wasn’t pleasant, but it allowed me to get through the rest of the day without quitting. Counter intuitively, when I tried to ignore the pain, it was more distracting than if I focused on it and felt it.
Another type of meditation that I have found not only helpful to slow the mind, but quite pleasant, is slow walking meditation.Lately, I have been combining it with sitting meditation: 20 minutes of sitting meditation, then 10 minutes of walking meditation. Find a place where you can walk for about 30 or 40 feet. Barefooted is best, but not required. It can be around a square or a circle or any shape, and it can be indoors or out. If you choose a public area, people will look at you like you’re crazy, so be aware of that. When you come to the end of your path, come to a full stop, turn around, stop again, and then re-start. Simply walk slowly enough back and forth so that you are conscious of placing your toes, then your heals on the ground and picking up each foot to move forward. Focus fully on the sensations of walking. Keep your eyes cast down without looking at anything in particular. Walk on a single path instead of wandering; otherwise part of the mind will have to negotiate the path. A certain mental effort is required to, say, avoid a chair or step over a rock. When you walk back and forth, pretty soon you know the route and the problem-solving part of the mind can be put to rest. Walk as slowly as possible, but at a pace that keeps you most intimate with and attentive to the physical experience of walking. It is not a contest to see how slowly you can walk. Let your attention settle into your body. Once you feel connected to the body, let your attention settle into your feet and lower legs.
In sitting meditation we use the sensations of breathing in and out as an “anchor” to keep us in the present. In walking meditation, the focus is on the alternating stepping of the feet. Feel the sensations of each step. Feel the legs and feet tense as you lift the leg.Feel the movement of the leg as it swings through the air. Feel the contact of the foot with the ground. As in sitting meditation, if your mind has wandered, bring it back to the sensations of the feet walking.
— Boyd Lemon is a retired lawyer, who re-invented himself as a writer, living in Ventura. He recently returned from a year in France and Italy and is writing a book on retirement. This column is an excerpt from his new book: “Retirement: A 10 Step Program to the Best Time of Your Life.” He expects it to be released near the end of this year. Additional excerpts will appear in subsequent columns. His memoir, “Digging Deep: A Writer Uncovers His Marriages,” published last May, is about his journey to understand his role in the destruction of his three marriages. He believes it will help others to deal with their own relationship issues. Excerpts are on his website, http://www.BoydLemon-Writer.com