Frank X. Moraga
By Frank X. Moraga / Amigos805
Like Christmas, which is now making an appearance for retailers in late summer, the trappings of Valentine’s Day seem to be coming out earlier and earlier each year.
I’m sure I saw some kind of Cupid-related display even before the last holiday sales were in the books.
But like Christmas shopping, why plan ahead when it is so much easier to wait until the last minute in hopes your significant other might forget the whole holiday entirely.
Unfortunately, my copy editor/beloved will be reading this column so the jig is up and I will have to start thinking about some kind of Valentine’s Day treat sooner rather than later.
It’s not that I don’t like being romantic; it’s just the commercialism that takes place around this time of year. There’s been a commercial playing on TV where the guy is bummed out and the announcer says, “Too Late to Order Flowers? Here’s an alternative!!!”
I swear that advertisement has been playing since New Year’s Day. If you couldn’t figure out how to order flowers in January in time for them to arrive by Feb. 14, well, you have a major problem with time management.
Racks of cards, candies and strange heart-shaped stuffed creatures seem to litter the retail floor of — your local bookstore, your local supermarket, heck, probably your local gas station. You just can’t get away from it. So what can you do? Time to break out the usual suspects: Make a dinner reservation at some fancy joint where you faint the minute you see the price for just a glass of water?
Maybe order a dozen roses? I recall the time when our newly wedded co-worker almost purchased some red roses from someone who entered our office.
I and another old sage jumped up out of our seats in unison and told the married newby, “Don’t do that! You will be setting the marriage bar way too high and you will never recover!” After a minute he agreed and sent the disappointed flower vendor on her way.
Boy, did I hear about that attempt at nipping romance in the bud when I relayed the story to my significant other. I was almost forced to buy roses right there on the spot.
Yes, love and money are tricky things.
Chocolates always seem to work, but I usually end up snagging any uneaten Valentine’s Day candy if it happens to be lying around. Then I get the “Who ate all my chocolates?” query as I try to answer without revealing the two or three truffles jammed in my mouth.
Okay, chocolates are out.
How about a nice Valentine’s Day card? You can find them eveywhere, from the Hallmark store to the supermarket. Problem is, which one to choose?
Some are way too mushy. Sometimes I wonder about the writers of those cards. Are they pining for a lost love, drowning their sorrows in Jack Daniels and producing these — ahem — works of art with prose that more properly belongs in a romance novel or a bad soap opera.
I like those slightly twisted cards, with strange sounds coming out of them or the humongous plastic eyes attached to a photo of a puppy dog. How can she resist? The answer is, quite easily.
The e-cards are even better. One card — http://www.care2.com/send/card/6999 — has a rodent singing “Only You.” Not sure if it then gets eaten by a cat for making all that noise.
Another one has a dancing hearts and a creepy looking cupid with “Boom, Boom, Wow” by the Black Eyed Peas pounding in the background — http://www.care2.com/send/card/6805. Nope. NEXT!!!
Well, maybe she will take this column as my Valentine’s Day wish. Yup, I bettter start making room on the couch. It will be a cold winter indeed.
— Frank X. Moraga is editor/publisher of Amigos805. He has served as business editor, director of diversity and general manager of a bilingual publication at the Ventura County Star, and as a reporter in the community editions of the Orange County Register and Los Angeles Daily News.