SANTA BARBARA — The holidays are here and for many it is hard to find joy after the year we’ve experienced. This is usually an exciting time to be making wonderful memories with our close friends and family but this year, whether you are grieving the loss of someone special or the loss of normal life due to COVID-19, we all can agree there is an empty space where our typical holiday traditions used to be.
Though grief is a normal part of life, it can be especially difficult to cope with loss during, what is supposed to be, one of the most joyous times of the year. We are all grieving in some way and Hospice of Santa Barbara (HSB) is offering support during this time to help us get through this, from grief counseling, to COVID-19 resources, to Speaker Series and holiday events via Zoom – HSB has created an online community to support those grieving this holiday season.
One effort included Hospice of Santa Barbara’s recent virtual Light Up A Life, which was presented on Dec. 16. The event included the creation of a digital Tree of Remembrance – where for a donation, the community digitally submitted a family member’s name, salutation and photo to be included on a star to be hung on a local Light Up a Life tree to hang it on one of HSB’s four Light Up a Life trees, which are located in Santa Barbara, Montecito, Goleta and Carpinteria.
“Light Up A Life began 37 years ago to create a sacred space for people experiencing grief, so they can come together and be supported through the holiday season,” said David Selberg, CEO of Hospice of Santa Barbara. “This year, there will be an added layer of grief for all of us as we grieve for the loss of normalcy due to the pandemic along with those we are missing. We invite everyone to join us this year.”
Digital stars are still available through the end of the year online for a suggested donation of $15 or more for those wishing to personalize a star to hang on the tree. All proceeds will benefit Hospice of Santa Barbara.
To dedicate a digital star, please visit: http://www.hospiceofsb.org/lual
In addition to HSB’s virtual Light Up A Life ceremony, here are a few tips that may be helpful to those navigating the holidays with the weight of grief and the added stress of COVID-19 isolation and loss:
- As the holidays near, acknowledge that there will be hard times ahead as you mourn your loved one. Remember that everyone grieves differently, and that it’s okay to not feel okay. Social isolation can make grieving even more difficult, pick up the phone and reach out to someone if you need to.
- Feel empowered to do what feels comfortable – prepare for things to be different this year, and in many cases, difficult as well. It can help to not put pressure on yourself and not feel down on what we are missing most this holiday season. Appreciate what you have in front of you.
- Make a conscious decision when it comes to carrying on your holiday traditions, or considering starting new ones. Take time to consider what is meaningful to you around the holidays – Is it the special recipe for a dish your grandmother used to make? Is it playing games with family members? Watching a game with friends? What parts of these meaningful pieces of the holidays can still happen in a way you feel comfortable with? Rather than looking forward to our typical parties and family meals, we might choose to focus on continuing the old traditions in a way that is safe and helps keep your loved one’s memory alive.
- Make the holidays special from afar – Planning surprises such as cards or gifts delivered in the mail lets your loved ones know you’re with them in spirit, if not in body. Recognizing that many of us are tired of looking at screens, virtual games and activities such as scavenger hunts or singing favorite holiday songs may be more engaging than simply video chatting. Families who remain distanced this season may enjoy developing new traditions, such as trying new recipes or playing new games with those they share a household with that might be incorporated into future holidays when they can safely be together again.
- Protect your elderly loved ones from loneliness and isolation – In many cases, seniors experience a heightened sense of loss related to pandemic restrictions. These elderly individuals express the feeling that their time is short, and that time is being stolen from them. Some express a willingness to accept the risk of potential virus infection to spend time with family because they are more fearful of dying of old age than they are of dying of COVID-19. Reaching out to those at highest risk for loneliness is more important than ever. Phone calls, video chats, cards, drive-by parades and even socially distanced outdoor visits can help them feel connected and reassure them that you are thinking of them.
- Surround yourself with a supportive community that will be with you every step of the way as you cope with your grief. Look at virtual events online, surround yourself with things that make you feel positive and remember to take it one day at a time.
Hospice of Santa Barbara — Hospice of Santa Barbara provides professional counseling, support groups, and patient care services free of charge to individuals and families who are grieving the death of a loved one or experiencing the impact of a life-threatening illness. Hospice of Santa Barbara also provides counseling in our offices and on fifteen local junior and high school campuses to children and teens who are grieving the loss of a loved one. For more information about Hospice of Santa Barbara, including volunteer opportunities, call (805) 563-8820 or visit www.hospiceofsantabarbara.org