In caring for someone with cognitive impairment, it’s hard not to go into “control” mode and do everything for them. It could be because we are not used to watching our spouse, parent, or other loved one make less-than-perfect decisions and we want them to have what we think is best. Or it could be because our patience is running low while waiting for them to make up their mind. Whatever the reason, it is important that you learn how to help your loved one make their own decisions again.

These steps can help!

Get down to eye-level. Do not hover over them, do not look up from below. This is particularly important for people with Alzheimer’s, as their peripheral vision is often significantly reduced, allowing them to see only what is directly in front of them. (Snow, n.d).

Say their name. Address them by name and repeat it throughout the conversation (unless this becomes annoying to them, of course). Hearing their name helps your loved one know they have your attention, and continuing to hear it can help maintain their attention.

Touch to stay on track. Gentle, mindful touch–a hand on the arm or shoulder–has been shown to decrease agitation behaviors in people with dementia and can actually help calm them and focus their attention.